I've got but one thing to say about commitment. I'm scared shitless of it. I'll admit it. Perhaps I'm like most guys, and try to avoid the damn thing, but there's something about the word that unnerves me. It brings to mind all kinds of chains and bondage (no, no, not S&M bondage!! Although, that's another area of sex you should read. . ^_^), where once you say the words of commitment, that's it. There's no going back, there's no TAKING the words back. It's done, fin, finito, finished. . .

Love and commitment go slightly hand in hand. Why is it so difficult? For me, my experience has shown me that commitment isn't all that it's chocked up to be. Men (or should I say, BOYS) I've had to deal with didn't have any concept of how serious commitment really was. It's not something to take nonchalantly or lightly.

When I think of the word, I think of marriage. Or on a less grander scale, giving your complete self to another human being. That's just something I'm reluctant to do. It's easier to give a little bit of myself, but not the whole kit n kaboodle. It's frightening, because when you do, you find yourself so inexorably attached to that person, it's like they're your lifebreath. If anything should happen to them, you'd "die". I remember being there once before, and I don't think I could do that again.

I'm much too keen on keeping myself as independent as possible. It boggles my mind how some people are so easily taken with the idea of being with someone in a seriously committed relationship, so intensely committed that nothiiing could possibly tear them apart.

(Now let's be realistic here. . .or maybe this is pessimistic, who knows. . .)

WHEN you're broken apart, your existence ceases. I should know, I've been down that road before. It's horrid, it's heart-wrenching. It makes you feel like you're NOTHING.

That feeling is totally UNACCEPTABLE.

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